


i'm awake and i'm alive

by notthebigspoon



Series: welcome to the new age [3]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 00:39:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing about Noonan though is that he doesn’t need Javi. If Javi hadn’t started using him, then he would have found someone else to do it, however clumsy his approaches might have been. Bryce though, he <i>needs</i> Javi. He needs such very specific things and he doesn’t know how to get them or who to trust with it. The pain and shame and humiliation... only Javi could give him what he needed, what he wanted.</p><p>Title taken from Awake and Alive by Skillet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm awake and i'm alive

He looks down at Noonan between his legs, pretty pink lips stretched wide around his cock and groans before dropping his head back and closing his eyes. He’s good at this, though it’d taken some training to get him here. What he’d lacked in skill, though, he’d more than made up for in enthusiasm. He just wanted to be pet, loved, cared for. He wanted dick, was hungry for it even if he didn’t realize it and Javi loved teaching him what to do, what he needed to know.

The thing about Noonan though is that he doesn’t need Javi. If Javi hadn’t started using him, then he would have found someone else to do it, however clumsy his approaches might have been. Bryce though, he _needs_ Javi. He needs such very specific things and he doesn’t know how to get them or who to trust with it. The pain and shame and humiliation... only Javi could give him what he needed, what he wanted.

When they play the Nationals again, it’s not even discussed. They’re in San Francisco and Bryce arrives an hour after the game. He answers the door in just his jeans, smiling smugly at the look of desperation on Bryce’s face. It’d been over a month since they hooked up and the only pain Bryce got was self inflicted, either what Javi ordered him to do to himself when they had phone sex or whatever unhealthy methods he came up with when left to his own device.

Javi doesn’t have to order him inside, barely has to lead him. He traces the tip of his finger down Bryce’s cheek, stops under his chin and steps back, Bryce stumbling forward and landing on his knees. It’s a sign of how well Javi’s trained him that he doesn’t look up, keeps his eyes on the floor as Javi circles around him and locks the door, throwing the dead bolt before turning and looking at the boy whose rapidly become his favorite little plaything.

He settles onto his knees behind Bryce’s, reaches around him and hooks his fingers under his t-shirt, pulls it up oh so slowly while kissing the back of his neck. Javi pulls it off, tosses his away, watches the muscles in Bryce’s back ripple while he shudders and whimpers. His sandals go next and when Javi kisses between his shoulder blades and pushes him down onto his hands and knees, he goes easily.

When it’s just sex, just Javi fucking him, Javi can feel the disappointment in his body, feel him vibrating with a nervous energy. He doesn’t give him what he wants, not yet. He’s waiting but he’s sure he won’t have to wait very long. And he doesn’t. Bryce looks over his shoulder, cheeks flooded red with either desperation or shame, and those gorgeous blue eyes fill with tears before he’s looking away.

“Daddy please...”

Javi smiles, whispers ‘whatever you want baby’ and reaches for the flogger on the end table next to the front door. He grips it, raises it and watches Bryce for one long moment before bringing it down. He beats him in tandem with his thrusts and soon Bryce is sobbing, body bucking with the beating. Whether the sobs are relief or humiliation, Javi doesn’t know, but he knows that the boy is getting what he needs and that’s the important thing.

Javi loves this, he’s getting what _he_ needs, but a part of him is desperate to give Bryce what _he_ needs to be happy. He wants the boy to be happy, wants him to get what he needs in a manner in which he won’t be harmed. The idea of Bryce getting this from anyone else makes him see red and grit his teeth, pushing Bryce off of his shaking arms, landing square on his chest and clawing at hardwood floor, crying out for more as Javi sets a punishing pace.

He pulls out, starts jerking himself off, bringing the flogger down against Bryce’s ass and thighs and when he stops, Bryce is already talking, begging, _pleasepleaseplease_. He scrambles around when told to face Javi , watches him and licks his lips, panting harshly. When Javi comes hot and wet against his face, he gasps, comes over his own hand, panting ‘daddy’ and closing his eyes when Javi touches his chin.

The word comes so easily now, less and less shame attached to it as Bryce realizes that Javi isn’t going to judge him, that Javi wants to take care of him and give him what he needs. He thinks that maybe for once, they’ll be okay without any real shame. But when Javi slowly licks his face clean, hands gripping his biceps so hard they’ll surely bruise, and presses their lips together so Bryce can share the taste, that’s when the shame comes.

“Daddy-”

Javi smiles, bites his bottom lip. “Mmhmm pet?”

“L-love you Daddy. Need you.”

They both freeze then, Bryce looking away and clenching his eyes shut, Javi watching him but at a total loss for words. He doesn’t know how they got to this point. Well, he’s lying to himself, of course he does. When you want and need things that aren’t socially acceptable, of course there’s the potential to love someone that gives that to you. Javi doesn’t think that Bryce really loves him though. It’s Stockholm Syndrome at its finest, the captive, the abused glomming on to his abuser.

Bryce wouldn’t understand that though, not even if Javi explained it. Even if he’d did, he’d swear that wasn’t the state of things at all. So Javi says nothing, kisses him one more time before pulling him up onto his feet and whispering that it’s time to go to bed. Bryce’s goes easily and Javi knows that the boy is centering on his slip up, wondering why the hell he told Javi he loves him, of course Javi would never feel the same way.

And that might be the truth. He loves giving Bryce what he needs. He loves that Bryce _does_ need him. But he’s not sure if he loves Bryce or if he loves the fact that someone needs him, that they would fall the fuck apart without him, loves the power he has over them. But it doesn’t matter, not right now. What matters is taking Bryce to bed, teasing and beating him until he’s sobbing with relief and marking that skin with the bruises that make him so much more beautiful.

Javi doesn’t know who’s more dependent on who anymore.


End file.
